It's 0500 and I'm awake once more - however, I have had some "good" sleep i.e. sleep before midnight. I slept from 2130 to 0130 and 0230 until now, so that's better than nothing. The self destructive imp that lives in my brain has made me get up again. So it's back on the decaff and fags for a while until I start yawning again. There are many of you out there that are following this, and I'm extremely grateful for the company. A BZ (Navy well done) to you all. And thank you.
My nose is bunged up (side effect) and my hands itch (side effect). I've just taken a hit on the old smelling salts to clear my sinuses - they are actually to bring me back to the present if I have a nightmare or flashback, but they've done the trick. I wish I could take something that would make me lose weight as well (side effect). However, one thing I don't get on these newer drugs is a tremor or locked jaw - I used to eat procyclidine to get rid of them. You see what I mean about taking yet another drug for side effects - not stopping the original drug that caused them.
It's pitch black outside. I've ordered a sad lamp for the kitchen, which only has artificial light, and as I spend most of the winter in here, I thought it might be a good idea. I could do with it at this moment, actually; I feel low as anything and I long to feel better. Must remember that mornings are bad and that I should start to feel better later -- but it seems a long way away, and you know how I feel about time dragging.
Two things to do today - the washing, and a note to say I can't attend the WRAF reunion. Big tasks for me, and I may also be going out with HT. At the moment it seems impossible that I shall be able to do any of those things.
I spent 16 years in the RAF defending the Free World , then got bunged out unceremoniously for being bipolar. I and was subsequently diagnosed with PTSD. Funny old world, isn't it?