And the evening after that.....

Not a good day.  Highspot was Erle calling in at 2.  Otherwise it's been hellish - dark and dreary with no light at the end of the tunnel.  Eventually took some lorazepam at 6 - I hate giving in, but it had to be done.  Now I'm wondering why I didn't take it before.  Depression does something weird to one's defence mechanisms - all my usual strategies are forgotten in the moment  and I struggle.  I suppose it's back to the drugs for comfort, although I prefer to avoid extra benzos.  The night looms - I hate dark evenings - and I can't help thinking about whether or not I'll sleep.  I managed last night, so there's no reason why tonight should be any different.

I spoke to my sister Dinah earlier - she always cheers me up as she's so positive about life, so thanks Bouge.  She's making tomato and chilli chutney - she's very good at things like that, and I often reap the benefit at Christmas.  She plays a lot of tennis in her spare time.

I'm avoiding Strictly on TV - can't stand Bruce Forsyth and it's time he gave in gracefully.  I'm an X Factor girl - although it's a bit of a freak show, it makes me cringe and laugh at the same time.  My voice is nothing to be proud of - it's a fag soaked bass baritone.

I think I'll go to bed and watch crap television, take my pills and hope for the best.  Night night.