Well, I put the rubbish out and I had a shower. Now it's unpacking the Tesco's delivery that haunts me. I've been out for an hour and a half, round at Nick and Erle's for lunch. It was really nice - good soup, good company - and I came away with food for tonight and a jar of pickled beetroot. This morning, I didn't think I'd manage to go, but I did, so I'm pleased with myself. I am tired now and I'll probably have a nap as I didn't have much good sleep. I shudder to think that I used to work nights and still cope with day to day living - that would be completely beyond me now.
A friend of mine recommended Steamcream cream for my hands, so I ordered some and it came today - it's fantastic. Smells of lavender and is gentle. Also arriving today is my SAD lamp, which I'm going to put in the kitchen when it gets here. I hope it helps - it can't do any harm.
I kept the thoughts at bay while I was out, which was a success, but they're back now, as are the voices. But I did mange to leave them behind for a couple of hours, so hooray. I wonder when I'll be able to read or listen to music again?
My one fear is that this is a false dawn, and that I'll slip backwards again. Recovery is so fragile in mental illness and any tiny thing can set one back. I must remember not to run before I can walk.
I spent 16 years in the RAF defending the Free World , then got bunged out unceremoniously for being bipolar. I and was subsequently diagnosed with PTSD. Funny old world, isn't it?