Crack of Sparrows

Had about 4 hours, I suppose, and I'm up again.  That's 6 in total, which isn't enough for me - I usually sleep for 9 or 10 hours.  My sleep has really suffered during this episode and when I'm well, I shall have to catch up.  The brain is a curious thing - when I'm well, 100mg quetiapine keeps me asleep for 9 hours; when I'm ill, 350mg doesn't touch me.  So what's happening chemically to my brain cells?  I don't believe anyone really knows.  Psychiatrists treat the symptoms, not the cause, and I think that's a matter of trial and error anyway.  It took 20 years to get my drug regime right, and I think the only reason I'm on what I'm on is because everything else had failed.  Luckily, the combination I'm on now works - or does it?  After all, I've just had another episode.

HT are going to phone this morning, and I shall have to report a poor night's sleep.  I'll also have to say that I am a bit buzzy - in the past I would have hidden it so I could enjoy the high, but not now.  It's too destructive.  So I'd better come clean whilst I still have insight - I lose that quite quickly.  I haven't had the visual disturbances that I get when I'm high, but I still have voices.  No suicidal thoughts at this stage.

Off to have a bagel.