I received some lovely, scented flowers today - thank you Tony and Rosemary - and I was very touched. There are small roses, fuchsias and some other flowers that I can't identify, but which are beautiful. They light up the kitchen. Winter won't last forever, the card said. I have to believe that.
I've just made my coffee with a tea bag in the mug - concentration gone again. So I made another. I am so useless in the mornings, and I hate them. HT phoned and they're coming at 4 to take me out - I hope life will be a bit more acceptable by then. I'll have to have a shower and wash my hair - and get dressed. I couldn't contemplate that as I type, but hopefully this afternoon will be an improvement. I'm just waiting for Tesco's to deliver food and fags - life's staples. I don't know what I would have done without deliveries - I'm in no fit state to go shopping - and Tesco's are anonymous and easy. The next task will be to unpack the bags, which is easier said than done. Small steps.
I wish I could lose myself in something, like a computer game or a book, but I can't concentrate well enough. This means that my mind is empty enough for voices and thoughts to fill it. If I could do something mindless - or get mindfulness right - maybe that would help. I could notice thoughts and let them go.
Off to have a teacake.
I spent 16 years in the RAF defending the Free World , then got bunged out unceremoniously for being bipolar. I and was subsequently diagnosed with PTSD. Funny old world, isn't it?