Now I'm exhausted - flashbacks are not good. Went outside and got some fresh air, and washed my face in cold water. I feel drained now. My thoughts are of punishment for my life's sins - but HT reminded me that they are only thoughts, not facts. I'm trapped in this mood - but I must remember that I had almost no sleep, so things will appear worse than they are. I wish I could stop it all. Everything's wrong today - even my skin feels as though it doesn't fit properly.
Why are thoughts so powerful? I've often wondered. I suppose it's because they come from one's mind, and hence are an integral part of oneself. It's so difficult to be mindful when they are so intrusive, but I must try - notice the thought and let it go. I notice it, but it's hard to let it go. Perhaps if I visualise it floating away on a bubble of soap it might do the trick.
Even my writing is all wrong today - sorry to those who read this. I'm going to have a nap and will write more later
I spent 16 years in the RAF defending the Free World , then got bunged out unceremoniously for being bipolar. I and was subsequently diagnosed with PTSD. Funny old world, isn't it?