Well, so far I've had a couple of hours from the Sleep Fairy, and there's no reason why I shouldn't have more. I'm downstairs in the kitchen at my writing place, feeling a bit light headed from the meds and drinking hot milk with vanilla in it. All three cats are on my bed so there's scarcely room for me. It's warm and comfortable in here because of the Rayburn - that was a good buy, I have to say - everyone remarks on it. Oddly enough, the cats don't sleep by it - I've tried putting beds there to no avail.
It's surreal writing this and thinking that people I don't know are reading it, awake like me and probably suffering. I can't really get my head around that. Many years ago, there was a computer programme called MIRC - something Internet Relay Chat - which I had downloaded. It may still exist. Basically, it gave you thousands of channels for internet chat, and I joined Walkers in Darkness, a channel about bipolar disorder.Nearly all of the people on it were American and I would often stay up all night to play. I was living alone then, and manic. I met an English guy online called Wubby - an architect with two double firsts from Oxford, who was also bipolar - we agreed that he would come and stay, which he did, and he was delightful. We joined Walkers every night to chat and a girl called Cher pinged us to have a direct chat - she lived in America. To cut a very long story short, one night she told us she had a ticket to come and see us, arriving the next day at Heathrow.
When one is manic, it's the more the merrier, so we picked her up and went home. She was the guest from Hell. Needy, clingy, manipulative and always in our space. We lasted 4 days and dumped her back at Heathrow. The moral of that story is not to take people at face value and to guard carefully against people who may drain you. When you are ill, don't attract the wrong types - it will only end in disaster.
I'm not feeling well - I'm low and cheerless and it's dark outside. I wish I had a dial that I could turn to lift my mood to above the baseline - slightly bubbly is my default position. I could also turn it up if I needed energy, and turn it down when I wanted to sleep. Like now, for example.
I spent 16 years in the RAF defending the Free World , then got bunged out unceremoniously for being bipolar. I and was subsequently diagnosed with PTSD. Funny old world, isn't it?