iPad in Bed

I'm now in bed, having taken my tablets, and am using my iPad to write a goodnight message.  It's very quiet in the village, and there are no street lights, which means that on a good day the night sky is wonderful.  I have blackout curtains anyway, so I don't have to worry about light.  However, it means that I'm alone, in the dark, with my thoughts, so I leave the landing light on, as though I were a child afraid of the night.  If I have a nightmare, I can still see light through the door, and I have my smelling salts by the bed, just in case.

The pills haven't kicked in yet, and I'm not even yawning, but I will give them a chance.  I think my reaction to nitrazepam is paradoxical - they cause insomnia, rather than helping me sleep.  If I get zopiclone, it might work in the short term.  Long term, I'll stick to my usual meds.  But I will discuss coming off everything with the doctor - it will be scary, but I can start again at any time.  I'm most likely to go manic, I think, and start not sleeping, and the whole vicious circle starts again.  I've had mostly highs recently, so this depression is out of the ordinary.  I've also managed to cope with the highs, but depression is a different matter.  No motivation, no feelings, no anticipation of anything nice and no pleasure.

I shall put the light out now and try to sleep