MIndfulness

I've lighted a scented candle and I'm trying out a Reiki CD - this is to relax me so that I can go back to sleep.  I learned to do Reiki a few years ago and I'm all for it.  It's spiritually relaxing and I could do with some of that at the moment.  Not sure about the music - sound still grates - but I'll persevere for five minutes.  The candle is lavender, which is supposed to be sleep inducing.  On my psychotherapy diploma course, we also learnt hypnotherapy, and I've used that on psych patients to relax them and help them sleep.  I wish I had a hypnotherapist on hand.

Once again, I think I"m the only person alive.  There's no frame of reference in the middle of the night - nothing to gauge oneself against.  When I flew through the sound barrier in a Phantom and went 1000mph, it was fantastic, but there was no frame of reference for that - there was nothing else up there to measure speed against.  Depression is a bit like that - there's no one similar (unless you're in hospital ) to measure yourself against - am I better or worse than them?  It's a lonely illness.

I wonder if anyone's reading this tonight - I actually hope everyone's tucked up in bed, as insomnia is dreadful.  I've been watching the candle, as any mindful person will tell you to do, and trying to clear my mind.  Hopeless.  We're back to control again - although I don't act on my thoughts, I'm not in control of them and when I try to meditate, they come rushing in to join the party. It's like opening a sluice gate - all the foul water pours in.

I'll try bed again, I think.