Mr Lorazepam

Just waiting for it to kick in - if it doesn't work, I might take an illegal nitrazepam.  I've already had two but one more won't hurt me and might just make a difference.  I wish I wasn't so resistant to drugs - it's a real handicap when I get ill as I get put on the top whack, so there's nothing left to play with.

I'm a bit panicky now as the drugs haven't made me sleepy - I can't believe this is happening again.  It serves me right for thinking it was all over yesterday; I should know better than to fall for the false dawn.  I'm gutted.  It's such a shitty illness.

My elbows are sore and rough like my hands so I've dosed them up with cream as well.  The second coat has gone on my hands.  Just made another hot milk.  Think I'll stay up a bit before I go back to bed, as I'd like to feel sleepy first.