Just watched University Challenge and couldn't answer many of the questions - no surprises there, then. Most of the questions shot right over my head - I didn't even understand the wording of some of them. Not very good for my self esteem. I like quizzes as a rule - when I'm well, I'm competitive. At the moment, I'm just glad no one has asked me any questions at all. Lots of nice comments and messages today, which I really appreciate - it's a gamble, going public with how I feel, but everyone is very kind.
It's nearly time to take my tablets - will I sleep/won't I sleep? Surely I will? I shall go to bed and watch TV crap. Tomorrow is another day, and I hope it's better than today has been - I seem to have run the gamut of emotions without actually feeling much except anger. However, at least that means I can feel something, even if it's negative. I've always had a problem with anger - I've been afraid to lose my temper in case the result is catastrophic. When I was young, I used to stifle my anger, with the result that I internalised it and ended up hating myself, which wasn't productive at all. We were never told that we couldn't show anger, but we tended not to; so there were high levels of unexpressed emotion at times. I used to take out my anger on the sports field - a good hockey match would work wonders, and I'd be much calmer after exercise. Actually, most of the time I was pretty laid back, apart from my black days, when I would just go to my room and lie there. My parents thought it was teenage angst, but I always knew my brain was different. I was fascinated by madness and the asylum, and did my sixth form community service in the local bin. Little did I know I'd end up in one 24 times.
Well, here goes - me
I spent 16 years in the RAF defending the Free World , then got bunged out unceremoniously for being bipolar. I and was subsequently diagnosed with PTSD. Funny old world, isn't it?