It's midnight and here I am - been throwing myself around the bed a bit trying to go back to sleep. My pillows are wet - quetiapine makes you drool in your sleep, another attractive side effect. I went to sleep quickly, but woke after 2 hours - however, the same thing happened last night, so it might be OK. I've got lorazepam to play with, so I'll take a couple of those.
It's funny how the fear comes back - the fear of not sleeping. It's like being traumatised and remembering the trauma - I'm still vulnerable to that fear. I must remind myself that it was only one good night - I'm still in the episode, so maybe I was being optimistic yesterday about being better. I had been having one good night, one bad night; so perhaps this will be a bad night, although I hope not.
I'm having hot milk from my coffee machine, with vanilla in it. One of my hands itches badly and it's now raw where I've scratched it, so it's more Steamcream for me. The makers should give me free tins, the number of times I've mentioned it here. I've had to order more because I'm using so much. You can get it in all sorts of tins - the one I have has a Union Jack on it, and I've ordered one with my star sign on it. The lavender scent reminds me of the health spa I go to - all their treatment rooms smell of lavender.
Well, I must turn and face my fear, as the prayer goes, so I shall retire to bed with Mr Lorazepam.
I spent 16 years in the RAF defending the Free World , then got bunged out unceremoniously for being bipolar. I and was subsequently diagnosed with PTSD. Funny old world, isn't it?