I eventually went to sleep at 0330 ish, and woke at 0830 - sleep, but not at the good end of the night. However, odd though it may seem, I feel slightly better this morning. Everything is still in black and white and my mood is still low, but earlier on, I had a glimmer of hope. It felt strange, as I've been feeling dead for so long, but I did recognise it as a flash of colour. I don't like to hope too much, in case I'm disappointed, but I've stored it away for the future.
HT aren't visiting today, which is fine, but they're coming tomorrow to take me out to feed the ducks. Today, Erle is picking me up to go to her house for a cup of tea, and she'll bring me back again when I've had enough. I'm actually looking forward to a change of scene, so something must be happening in my head. I was going to put my venlafaxine up to 300mg today, but I think I'll leave it at 225mg and hope to continue to feel OK - I have no desire to go manic on the rebound. Although, having said that, it would be fantastic to feel that overwhelming joy, that rush of ideas and the feeling of being at the very centre of the universe. But I mustn't go there.
CHange of plan - I'm having lunch with Nick and Erle, which will be very nice. I couldn't have coped with a change of plan yesterday, so that's another good sign. Just the shower to deal with now - I hope I can manage it. Oh, and I have to put the rubbish out, a job I hate at the best of times. I shall test myself on both these tasks.
I think I"ll have a short nap in the sitting room.
I spent 16 years in the RAF defending the Free World , then got bunged out unceremoniously for being bipolar. I and was subsequently diagnosed with PTSD. Funny old world, isn't it?