The postman has just been with more letters that I can't open. I hope there's nothing vital in them. He also brought two parcels - I think one is vanilla syrup for my coffee machine, and the other is a pair of headphones. I'm finding it impossibly stressful to receive mail - it makes demands on me that I can't cope with. I opened quite a bit of it when HT were here, but I now have a lot more.
We've just found a whole lot of scented candles in the Glory Hole under the stairs - I had no idea I had them. So we've lit three, and looking at them is very restful - they smell lovely, too. It's recommended that you meditate using a candle flame to stare at - -however, I can't concentrate at the moment, so meditation is out of the question. I don't meditate, I ruminate. The thoughts rush in when I try to clear my head, and the voices take advantage of the silence to attack me. So I just light candles to look pretty and to give off a nice aroma.
I wonder if there's an Ariadne's thread round the corner - I've just had a moment, only the tiniest one, of normality. It's gone now and it's back to the bleakness, but I don't think I imagined it. I don't like to say that I saw a thread, in case it tempts Fate, so I'll just share it and hope for the best.
I spent 16 years in the RAF defending the Free World , then got bunged out unceremoniously for being bipolar. I and was subsequently diagnosed with PTSD. Funny old world, isn't it?