Postman

The postman has just been with more letters that I can't open.  I hope there's nothing vital in them.  He also brought two parcels - I think one is vanilla syrup for my coffee machine, and the other is a pair of headphones.  I'm finding it impossibly stressful to receive mail - it makes demands on me that I can't cope with.  I opened quite a bit of it when HT were here, but I now have a lot more.  

We've just found a whole lot of scented candles in the Glory Hole under the stairs - I had no idea I had them.  So we've lit three, and looking at them is very restful - they smell lovely, too.  It's recommended that you meditate using a candle flame to stare at - -however, I can't concentrate at the moment, so meditation is out of the question.  I don't meditate, I ruminate.  The thoughts rush in when I try to clear my head, and the voices take advantage of the silence to attack me.  So I just light candles to look pretty and to give off a nice aroma.

I wonder if there's an Ariadne's thread round the corner - I've just had a moment, only the tiniest one, of normality.  It's gone now and it's back to the bleakness, but I don't think I imagined it.  I don't like to say that I saw a thread, in case it tempts Fate, so I'll just share it and hope for the best.