I'd love to pretend that I'm sitting here drinking decaff and puffing on my e-cigarette, but actually I'm having a coffee made with full strength caffeine and smoking Camels. I can't seem to nod off - took 100mg quetiapine at 2100 and nothing happened. Admittedly, I've been a complete couch potato today, but Wimbledon always has that effect on me. I watched the whole day in my pjs. My arthritis has been rather bad as well - both my shoulders and both knees are buggered, so perhaps that should be a warning to all you sporting types out there in insomnia-land. I take heavy duty pain killers four times a day (just to add to everything else) but even so, the aching breaks through. X rays show complete collapse of the joints, so there's nothing to be done except more surgery. Which I'm not having.
The weather has cooled off a bit - last weekend we celebrated the Summer Solstice by having a party that started at 1pm and ended at midnight, and no one managed to get up to see the dawn in. The following day, after everyone had gone, I just sat and stared into space because I was completely knackered. The rest of last week was quite busy, but I've had Friday and today to myself which has been nice.
I don't understand sleep - how can one not succumb when one is so tired? All I want to do is drop off - this not getting to sleep is becoming a habit, which I'd like to break as soon as possible.
Had an ECG the other day - I have to have one every 6 months as I'm on two antipsychotics - and it was fine. I told the doc about my weird sleeping/waking loss of breath - most mornings when I wake I can't get my lungs to work and my heart beats irregularly; it's as though someone is sitting on my chest. I think it's the quetiapine, but she thinks it's an unusual type of sleep apnoea.
I've dropped my Abilify to 30mg to see how I get on. Last time I saw the psych we discussed my meds and as I already take quetiapine, which is sedating (hah!), and venlafaxine in the mornings, he wondered if the Abilify was actually doing anything. I"m quite nervous about reducing drugs, but I'll give it a go.
Oh - I got divorced, by the way.
I spent 16 years in the RAF defending the Free World , then got bunged out unceremoniously for being bipolar. I and was subsequently diagnosed with PTSD. Funny old world, isn't it?