I know, I know. I haven't given it enough time for the drugs to kick in. I am, However, not a bit sleepy, although I am tired. I'm trying a new e cig which tastes of cherry, and very nice it is too. Typically, having not been in need of food all day, I now want something to eat. Baked beans? Bacon butty? Egg banjo? I'll consult my stomach. Bacon wins.
Once again I'm alone but not lonely - I'm very fortunate in that I never get lonely. When I'm like this I stare into space a lot, but people don't figure. I never know what to say - after all, who would want to talk to an empty shell? I did have a good conversation with my sister tonight - she's a wonderful person and I'm tremendously lucky. I'm also lucky with my friends - I have a marvellous group. So why do I get depressed when my life is so full? It's not, of course, like that. Depression makes no allowance for life.
I rather think I'm in a mixed state - as well as having all the depressive symptoms, I get agitated. If there's an obstacle, I panic and it takes on overwhelming proportions. At other times I feel dead. By that I mean I am a blank, a hollow object, useless. I could have a achieved much more over the years - all that time I was ill and staring into space. I have lost my dynamism. Actually, at the moment, I've lost myself.
I'll try bed again.
I spent 16 years in the RAF defending the Free World , then got bunged out unceremoniously for being bipolar. I and was subsequently diagnosed with PTSD. Funny old world, isn't it?