There I was about to eat salami when a village friend called to ask me if I wanted a take away curry. She came round and we ordered - I had chicken bhuna with coconut rice, which was delicious. It was the first hot meal I've had in a few days, so it was very welcome. I'm not very good at looking after myself when it comes to diet. During the meal, my order from the Chesil Smokery arrived, so I have lots of goodies to eat from now on.
I couldn't have enjoyed an evening like this evening two days ago, so I hope it means I'm on the mend. I had no small talk or conversation - and I didn't think people wanted to hear what I had to say anyway. Why would they want to listen to the empty shell that I had become? When you have no self esteem it's very difficult to think of something to say to somebody else. Nothing is interesting.
I still have 4 episodes of Holby City to watch and it's on again this evening, so I'll watch something else and catch up later in the week. I've taken some lorazepam and I'll take my night tablets at about 2100. Hopefully I'll sleep - if I wake I won't be so panicky as I was last night, because I managed to go back to sleep. Hope the same happens tonight - wish me luck.
I spent 16 years in the RAF defending the Free World , then got bunged out unceremoniously for being bipolar. I and was subsequently diagnosed with PTSD. Funny old world, isn't it?