I should have realised that when I have a virus, my mood does something. It also does something when I give up smoking. Well, dears, I'm back down the mineshaft, with the tendrils of depression wrapping themselves around me once more. When I recovered from the virus, I realised that I was having terrible trouble getting to sleep, then dozing in the armchair during the day. And feeling very odd. It came to me in a flash - it's mood, not virus. Once I realised that, I put my drugs up - 200mg quetiapine and 300mg venlafaxine. I've left the Abilify on 20mg - regular followers will know that I'm gradually reducing it. And lorazepam for the agitation.
The increase hasn't worked. I have now called the Home Treatment team, and they came to visit me today, which was reassuring, and made me feel a bit safer. We have a short term plan - take lorazepam at night as well as the quetiapine - and it was an abject failure this evening. My bed is comfortable, I'm very tired (but not sleepy), the bedroom is dark; but I ruminate and my brain won't stop working. So here I am once more.
I'm having a massive clear out of my house - or at least I was until this struck. There are two enormous boxes to go to charity and a pile of kitchen equipment that is waiting for a large box. I have got a large box, but it's full of wine at the moment, so I've ordered a big wine rack to go in the third bedroom - it is ridiculous how much booze I have in this house, considering that I don't drink. Anyway, the kitchen is nearly done.
My heart sinks when I think about time. I can't bear to look ahead as it's too frightening - I can manage hour to hour. Six weeks since I had a proper ciggy - the e fags are taking a battering.
Well - back to bed? I'll give it a try.
I spent 16 years in the RAF defending the Free World , then got bunged out unceremoniously for being bipolar. I and was subsequently diagnosed with PTSD. Funny old world, isn't it?