WEDNESDAY

Once again I'm waiting for something to download - a language course in Spanish.  I've got a friend in the village who speaks it, so I'm hoping to chat to her from time to time.  I was going to learn Arabic in order to solve the Middle East crisis (Tony Blair having made such a hash of it), but as most of my holidays are in the Spanish islands, Spanish seemed more appropriate.

I watched Andy Murray crash out of Wimbledon today, having seen Nadal do the same yesterday, so the Championship is up for grabs.  In the days BA (before arthritis) I used to play a lot of tennis, mostly during my time in the RAF, when I was part of a Station's third pair.  My aim was to put my racket in front of the ball and hope it went over the net - shot placing being beyond me.  I preferred squash, to be honest, but I imagine all that twisting had something to do with my bad knees.  As did the hockey, netball, athletics and sailing.  I think the only reason I got into the RAF was because of my sporting prowess!  Happily, I then found out that I was good at being an officer.

To return to religion.  I think I may have more of a faith than I realise.  I weep when hearing church music, or at weddings and funerals - I always go to the Good Friday service because it gives me silence in which to stop and weigh up my life during the previous year.  However, I no longer have that visceral feeling of true belief - I used to have it but I can't find it now.  I say visceral because it was a physical feeling for me; a coming together of all things.  When people say "my heart swelled", that's how faith felt.  I do think, however, that to maintain a faith, one should actually go to church - it's very difficult to practise faith alone.  I could never be a religious hermit.  I did once want to be a missionary, but that was after watching Audrey Hepburn in The Nun's Story, and I was only ten.

I always wanted to be a marine biologist - mostly because I grew up by the sea.  However, I chose the wrong subjects at O' and A' level!  With hindsight, my sciences, apart from chemistry, weren't up to it.  Then I thought I might be a teacher, but eventually decided that it would be the RAF.  And a great time I had.

The thing has downloaded now, so I shall check it and then  try to get some sleep.